The end is near :-(

I am sad to say that my maternity leave is quickly coming to an end. I return to work on November 2. That will most likely be the saddest day that I have had in a long time. That day means that I will no longer be at home all day every day with my little man. That day means there is an end to lying around all day in my pajamas. That day means that I will have to do more to my hair than let it air dry. That day means that there is an end to watching Dr. Oz, Rachel Ray, The Price is Right, Ellen and Oprah. That day means I will return to the real world of working parents. That day means that I will actually have to “work”. Now don’t get me wrong, I have “worked” for the past 12 weeks but it has been mommy work. That day I will hopefully have had at least 4 hours of sleep so I can hit the ground running. That day means that I will have to leave Mason in the care of someone that is practically a stranger to me. Oh that is the one that hurts the most. That day I will have to let go of some of my fears and anxiety and will have to trust that everything will be OK. That day is coming all too soon. Oh, how sad that makes me. For those of you few people that happen to be following this blog, feel free to call me and offer me your ear as I whine loudly about having to return to work and leave my precious baby. I will need your support.

Dear Mason,

Today while you were sleeping, I spent some time reflecting upon the past two and a half months that we have spent together. I thought about the moment that Dr. Gunter laid you on my chest and I saw you for the first time. I began to cry. Not because I was sad but because my dream of becoming a mommy had finally come true. They were tears of happiness. As I looked into your big blue eyes, I just melted. You were absolutely beautiful; perfect in every way. I also thought about how excited Mi Mi and Gi Gi were to see you for the first time. They helped mommy bring you in to this world. You put up such a fight getting here. We were all exhausted.

I thought about the very first time that I got to feed you. Learning how to eat was new for you and learning how to breast feed you was new to me. Your first night in this world went pretty smooth. It was the second night that you gave us such a fit. I remember being scared because you were crying so much. Mommy and the nurse tried to get you calmed down but nothing would work. Mi Mi got you and held you close and you immediately calmed down. I guess you were just wanting some bonding time with your Mi Mi.

I remember leaving the hospital with you. You were so tiny in your large car seat. We had to put blankets in the seat so your little head wouldn’t flop around. I thought about what I said to MiMi as we were leaving the hospital with you. I said this is finally real. Our dream of becoming mommies has finally come true. I cried again. Yes, mommy is a cryer.

I thought about bringing you in to your house for the first time. Gi Gi, Aunt Stacey, Uncle Eric and your cousin, Joshua were at our house to welcome you home. I remember how excited Joshua was to see you and hold you again. Your first night at home went well. You ate, pooped, slept, ate, pooped, slept for the first couple of weeks. Somewhere in there you decided that sleeping wasn’t fun so you decided that you would skip out on that as much as possible. Even at almost 3 months old, you STILL do not like to sleep very much. We have been lucky to get one, yes you read that correctly, one, four hour stretch out of you.

As I sit and think about returning to work next week and sending you to daycare, it makes me sad. Yes, I have even cried. I am so sad that my maternity leave is almost over and sad that I will have very little time with you during the week.

Being able to spend all day, every day with you has been the most incredible time that I have ever spent with anyone. I have really enjoyed watching you grow and change right before my very eyes. Seeing you smile for the first time, listening to you coo and try to “talk” to me has touched me in ways that you will not understand until you have your very own child. We have spent time reading books, playing on your play mat, doing exercises on the bed, having tummy time on the floor, taking walks around the neighborhood and just cuddling in the recliner. It has been AMAZING! You have brought me so much joy and happiness and I love you more and more every day. I am in awe at how someone so small can make such an impact on someone.
While we will not have the opportunity to be together 24 hours a day, 7 days a week like we have for the past 12 weeks, I promise you that I will spend as much time as possible with you. I can assure you that Mommy and Mi Mi will always be there for you no matter what.

You are starting to wake up now so I guess mommy will end this letter to you now. I love you Mason now and forever.

Love,
Mommy

Growing, Growing, Growing

Look at my baby. I cannot believe
how much he has grown in the past couple of days. About the time he gets to the point that he can fit into all of the cute 0 -3 month shorts outfits that we have hanging in his closet, mother nature decides she wants to give us nice cool days. Yes, I know that it is Fall and time for the nice cool days but it is rare that Summer decides to leave us on schedule. It usually sticks around for much longer than we want but so far not this year. Guess there will be some lucky little boy out there that will get lots of clothes that have never been worn! :-(

This past week has been a big week for us. Mason has been sleeping in a bassinet since he was born. He started out in our room then we moved him in to the den and now he is in his big baby crib. The transition did not go that well. While he has not been a great sleeper overall, we had finally gotten up to 3.5 hour stretches. Once we moved him to his crib, he started waking up every 45 minutes to an hour. Ouch. This went on for 3 days and as you can imagine Mommy was exhausted. I think I got 6 hours of sleep over those 3 days. I am happy to say things are getting better. We are back up to 3 to 3.5 hour stretches. We hope he will continue to get more comfortable and will stretch that to 4 - 5 hours at a time. Pray for us that this happens sooner than later as I go back to work on November 2.

Speaking of going back to work. Part of me is looking forward to returning and part of me is dreading that day. While it has been quite an experience being a stay at home mom, it is something that I know I could never do forever. Don't get me wrong, I have LOVED the time that I have had with Mason. Watching him grow and change daily right before my very eyes has been wonderful and something I am sure to miss when I return to work BUT I have never been a homebody. I like to be around people and like to go more than is possible with an infant. My hat goes off to all of you that are stay at home moms. You are awesome and have one of the toughest jobs EvEr! Of course, the reality of returning to work means that Mason has to go to daycare. We are registered and signed up to send him to a small daycare that is close to our house. Just talking about having to send him to daycare makes me teary eyed. More on that later in another post.

Until next time.

Mason Parker Grooms

Smiling, Cooing and Losing His Hair!

I cannot believe that our little guy is almost 6 weeks old. Where does the time go? For the most part, everything has been wonderful. Thankfully, we have had more good days than not so good. After getting off to a rocky start, it seems as if we are finally getting the hang of things. We have had to switch formulas yet again but think that soy formula is going to be what works best for Mason. He has been on it for 5 days now and I can see a huge difference in him. I never imagined it would be such a guessing game with so many things. I have learned something new everyday!

Mason has been changing so much over the past couple of weeks. He has lost almost all of his hair on the top of his head. He still has most of the hair he was born with on the sides and now looks like a little old man. He's just giving us a glimpse of what he will look like when he gets older and starts getting a receeding hairline!

A few days ago, he smiled for the first time. Yes, we have been getting the "gassy" smiles since birth but this one was a "real" smile. He was waking up from his morning nap so I picked him up and gave him a big hug and said good morning sunshine. He responded with a big melt your heart smile. It was so sweet. Later that day, he smiled again for one of our neighbors so I have proof that he is actually smiling.

He has also started cooing and grunting more over the past couple of days. I spend quite a bit of time talking to him and watching his response. He loves to be talked to and tries really hard to "talk" to me as well. I think it is funny watching his little mouth move and nothing really come out. I know he is thinking to himself, "Mommy you just wait. I'll be talking before you know it and then you will be wishing I'd be quiet!

Mason is waking up so gotta run for now. Until next time....

Formula Feeding, Acid Reflux and Constipation

Not sure I will make it through this post without crying so forgive me if I ramble and this makes no sense to you! Unfortunately, I was not able to continue to breastfeed Mason. After getting off to a rocky start, I thought things were going to work out but after 3 weeks of feeding Mason every hour and a half, we (the lactation consultant and I) decided that my body was not producing enough milk to keep Mason satisfied. He had lost weight in the beginning so we had already started supplementing with formula but just a week or so ago, we had to go completely to formula. We started out on Enfamil Premium Lipil and it seemed to agree with Mason. Things were going along pretty good then we started noticing Mason gagging every time we laid him down. We thought it was happening when he wouldn't burp very well so we spent more time burping him during feedings and at the end of the feeding to see if that made a difference. It really didn't so we kept him upright longer before putting him down to sleep. This added 30 - 45 minutes to the feedings but you do what you have to do, right?

Well, then things got worse. At 3:00am, I fed Mason, burped him, rocked / held him for 45 minutes or so then went to put him in his bassinet. I walked out of the room to turn off the kitchen light, then went back in to go to sleep. I heard him making funny noises so I grabbed the flash light and shined it on his face. That is when I discovered that he was choking. I quickly grabbed him up and rushed into the den where there was more light. His face was bright red and his mouth was wide open but nothing was coming out. He could not catch his breath. I turned him upside down and hit him on his back a couple of times and he finally cried out and caught his breath. Oh, my God I thought. What is going on here? I got myself together and rocked Mason back to sleep. There was no way I was putting him down or going back to sleep so I sat with him in the recliner for the rest of the night. We monitored him the next day to be sure there were no other incidents of choking. Things went pretty good for the next couple of days then it happened again. This time it was during the daylight and at a time when our pediatrician's office was open. I called them and explained what had been going on. They suggested that I bring him in to be checked. So I gladly took him in. The Dr. detemined that it was acid reflux and suggested that we switch his formula to Enfamil AR (Acid reflux). After a few days of being on that, the gagging / choking was much better.

About the time that I am starting to feel better about him not getting choked, we discovered that he is now constipated. If it isn't one thing, it is another I thought. What next? After an entire day of watching him strain and hearing him scream in pain, I called the pediatrician again. They are probably going to change their phone number so I can't call them so often. Of course, our Dr. wasn't in that day so the nurse suggested giving him an ounce of water tohelp put so fluid in him bowels. Well, that didn't work so what's next? I felt completely helpless and was so distraught because there was nothing I could do to help him pass his stool. By this time, I was so beside myself that all I could do was hold him close and cry. His little shirt was soaked with my tears. While I was having my meltdown, my lovely sister called to check on us. I answered the phone and the conversation went something like this:

Stacey - Hey what are you doing?
Me - I am sitting here crying (like she couldn't tell)
Stacey - what's wrong?
Me - I cannot seem to get anything right with this baby.
Stacey - what's going on?
Me - the new formula has him constipated and he is in so much pain. I called the pediatrician and all they told me was to give him an ounce of water. That has not helped and I don't know what to do. I am a bad momma and can't do anything right it seems.
Stacey - that's not true. It isn't anything that you are doing. These things happen.
Me - sobbing, jerking, crying more by this time. If I could have been able to breastfeed him, these things wouldn't be happening. I still feel so guilty that I could not breastfeed him.

The conversation continued for a little while longer with her then suggesting that I call our mom to find out the Karo syrup concoction. I told her I couldn't call mom because she would think that all I did was cry all day. For those of you that are concerned, I do not cry all day every day. I will admit that I do cry here and there but it is usually in the afternoons when I am so sleepy my hormones seem to be in overdrive. I will be so glad when they finally get straightened out.
I called mom and the crying and sobbing continued with her. After spending about an hour crying, I felt better but my baby still was in pain. Dawn finally got home and she took over to give me a break. Needless to say, we had a rough night until Mason was finally able to have a bowel movement. Today, he has been a different child. Not sure if he will go through the same thing next time he has to poop, but for now things seem better. He has been an angel all day today so maybe we won't experience that again for awhile.

Oh the joys of motherhood! I know there are many more things that we will endure. I know that I need to toughen up and not let things get to me so easily. I know that I am a good mom. I know that I have a healthy baby and things like constipation are going to happen to him. I know that I should relax and not be such a nervous nelly. I also know that I love this little guy more and more everyday and am so thankful that he is in our lives.

Until next time.....

Remnants from Dawn's double shift

As one would expect, I am not getting much sleep these days so Dawn was a sweetheart and took a double shift on Friday night. Since I am only averaging about 2 hours a sleep between feedings, I went to bed at 8:30pm and left her to do the 9:00pm and 12:00am feedings for our little buddy. While I probably only slept for about 4 hours during that stretch, it was definitely much better than the 2 that I had been getting. When I got up on Saturday morning and looked in the sink this is what I found. I laughed out loud and asked Dawn if she had a rough night with him. She said, "No, why?" I said, I was just wondering given the remnants in the sink! She said if she had had a bad night she could assure me there would have been more cans than bottles! Guess you do what you have to do to get through! All joking aside, Mason is really a good baby. Other than lack of sleep, things are going great.