The end is near :-(

I am sad to say that my maternity leave is quickly coming to an end. I return to work on November 2. That will most likely be the saddest day that I have had in a long time. That day means that I will no longer be at home all day every day with my little man. That day means there is an end to lying around all day in my pajamas. That day means that I will have to do more to my hair than let it air dry. That day means that there is an end to watching Dr. Oz, Rachel Ray, The Price is Right, Ellen and Oprah. That day means I will return to the real world of working parents. That day means that I will actually have to “work”. Now don’t get me wrong, I have “worked” for the past 12 weeks but it has been mommy work. That day I will hopefully have had at least 4 hours of sleep so I can hit the ground running. That day means that I will have to leave Mason in the care of someone that is practically a stranger to me. Oh that is the one that hurts the most. That day I will have to let go of some of my fears and anxiety and will have to trust that everything will be OK. That day is coming all too soon. Oh, how sad that makes me. For those of you few people that happen to be following this blog, feel free to call me and offer me your ear as I whine loudly about having to return to work and leave my precious baby. I will need your support.

Dear Mason,

Today while you were sleeping, I spent some time reflecting upon the past two and a half months that we have spent together. I thought about the moment that Dr. Gunter laid you on my chest and I saw you for the first time. I began to cry. Not because I was sad but because my dream of becoming a mommy had finally come true. They were tears of happiness. As I looked into your big blue eyes, I just melted. You were absolutely beautiful; perfect in every way. I also thought about how excited Mi Mi and Gi Gi were to see you for the first time. They helped mommy bring you in to this world. You put up such a fight getting here. We were all exhausted.

I thought about the very first time that I got to feed you. Learning how to eat was new for you and learning how to breast feed you was new to me. Your first night in this world went pretty smooth. It was the second night that you gave us such a fit. I remember being scared because you were crying so much. Mommy and the nurse tried to get you calmed down but nothing would work. Mi Mi got you and held you close and you immediately calmed down. I guess you were just wanting some bonding time with your Mi Mi.

I remember leaving the hospital with you. You were so tiny in your large car seat. We had to put blankets in the seat so your little head wouldn’t flop around. I thought about what I said to MiMi as we were leaving the hospital with you. I said this is finally real. Our dream of becoming mommies has finally come true. I cried again. Yes, mommy is a cryer.

I thought about bringing you in to your house for the first time. Gi Gi, Aunt Stacey, Uncle Eric and your cousin, Joshua were at our house to welcome you home. I remember how excited Joshua was to see you and hold you again. Your first night at home went well. You ate, pooped, slept, ate, pooped, slept for the first couple of weeks. Somewhere in there you decided that sleeping wasn’t fun so you decided that you would skip out on that as much as possible. Even at almost 3 months old, you STILL do not like to sleep very much. We have been lucky to get one, yes you read that correctly, one, four hour stretch out of you.

As I sit and think about returning to work next week and sending you to daycare, it makes me sad. Yes, I have even cried. I am so sad that my maternity leave is almost over and sad that I will have very little time with you during the week.

Being able to spend all day, every day with you has been the most incredible time that I have ever spent with anyone. I have really enjoyed watching you grow and change right before my very eyes. Seeing you smile for the first time, listening to you coo and try to “talk” to me has touched me in ways that you will not understand until you have your very own child. We have spent time reading books, playing on your play mat, doing exercises on the bed, having tummy time on the floor, taking walks around the neighborhood and just cuddling in the recliner. It has been AMAZING! You have brought me so much joy and happiness and I love you more and more every day. I am in awe at how someone so small can make such an impact on someone.
While we will not have the opportunity to be together 24 hours a day, 7 days a week like we have for the past 12 weeks, I promise you that I will spend as much time as possible with you. I can assure you that Mommy and Mi Mi will always be there for you no matter what.

You are starting to wake up now so I guess mommy will end this letter to you now. I love you Mason now and forever.

Love,
Mommy