My Dad

Me and My Daddy - March 19, 2011 

This picture of me and my dad is one of VERY few pictures that I have of us together. Why, you ask? I don't have a good answer for that but know one thing for sure is I am going to take advantage of every opportunity moving forward to be sure I have more of us together. 

Let me tell you a little about my dad. His name is Sidi Calvin Grooms. He will be 69 years old this October and other than a few minor things is in pretty good health. He is a retired farmer that now owns and operates a venison processing business.  During the off season, he is a butcher at a local grocery store. He and my mom still live on the same farm that Dad grew up on as a child. He has an identical twin brother, named Alvin. Yes that is right, Calvin and Alvin. Still makes me laugh after all of these years. Now don't get me wrong, I like the names Calvin and Alvin but naming your twins that is just funny to me.

My dad is an extremely hard worker. He works harder than anyone that I know. We have asked him to slow down a bit since he is getting older but he doesn't know the meaning of slow. While there are many traits that my dad passed on to me and my siblings, this is the one thing that is probably the most evident. He taught us that in order to be anything and get anything, you have to work hard for it. Nothing in life has come easy for him and while he made life as easy for us as he could, this is something that each of us continues to live by. We all work hard and that is due largely to the fact that we grew up watching both my mom and my dad work very hard day in and day out.

Dad is a pretty laid back man. He isn't a man of many words at all but when he did speak, I listened.  He taught me the importance of having manners and being respectful to everyone. He instilled values in me that have helped me become the woman I am today. He helped to create a family that was solid and loved each other very much.  Even though he worked many long hours each and every day, 7 days a week, he made sure that we knew he loved us.  I don't feel like I got to spend enough time with him growing up but understood why he did what he did for us.  Now that I am grown and live about 5 hours from him, I still don't get to spend much time with him as I'd like but make the most of the time when we are together.

Several months ago, one of my uncles passed away and while sitting in his funeral I was overcome with sadness thinking about the reality that my dad was getting older and that one day I would be sitting on the front pew doing what my aunt and cousins were doing that day. It made me really think about the times I have had with my dad and the times that I have missed. I thought a lot about Mason and how much I want to be sure that he gets to spend as much time getting to know his Poppa as possible. Since we are a good distance apart, we don't get to see him as often as I would like but I make it a point to show Mason pictures of my dad, mom and all his cousins each and every day.  I hope and pray that there are many, many years to come and they get to know each other.

Dad loves his children and grandchildren very much. My sister and her family live next door to my parents so he gets to see them every day. I am very envious of this but know that while they do see each other more often than we get to see them, they love each of us just the same.

I could go on and on about my day, but this post is getting long so I'll save the rest for a later post. If you made it this far, thank you. Now, go hug your dad if you have the great fortune to be close to him and if not spend a few minutes reflecting about him if he is no longer with you.  I love you dad.

Until next time......

Why Does Kim Not Write About Dawn??

Just recently I had a blog "friend" bring up the fact that I don't share much about my relationship with Dawn via my blog posts. That is true and thanks V for pointing that out. Let me explain... The main reason I share very little about me and Dawn and our relationship is primarily because Dawn is a very private person and really isn't all that thrilled that I have a blog much less that I share details about her and/or us on the internet. To my knowledge, she has never been to the blog to read it on her own! She even created a Facebook account under a fake name so people wouldn't know who she was! Dawn is concerned that someone from her job will "find" her and will discover information that she'd rather them not know. So knowing how she feels and wanting to respect that, I try to limit what I say about her directly in my posts.  But since V did bring this to my attention publicly, I felt the need to write a bit more about us and what life has been like since we became mommies to Mason.

I won't go into every little detail but will share a glimpse of how we have worked together to be the best parents to Mason. For those of you that know me, know that I have wanted a child for many, many years and know that I would have done just about ANYTHING to be sure that happened. Well no one knew this more than Dawn. She was about as patient as any one person could be during our 7 years of trying to become parents. That seven year journey started with trying to conceive (TTC) for nearly a year to working with the Independent Adoption Center for over 5 years, to doing foster care for 6 months and then back to trying to conceive one more time. Towards the end, her patience grew thinner and thinner and she was just about to give up when she agreed to go along with TTC with a fertility specialist. She said you can try 6 times and after than we are DONE. I agreed and prayed that it would happen and that I wouldn't exceed my 6 time limit!! Thank God that it worked on try # 2 and we were blessed with our handsome little guy, Mason.

She continued to be patient with me through my pregnancy and the months following Mason's birth which if I had to guess were probably the toughest of them all. While dealing with a newborn, she also had to deal with the emotional mommy after the raging hormones set in. There were lots of days of crying, lots of days without sleep and lots of frustrations from everything having to be PERFECT and me not willing to not be PERFECT! Because this could become an enormously long post, I'll fast forward through all of those details. After getting through the first couple of very rough, non-sleeping months with the little guy, we were able to get into a parenting groove that worked for us.

That groove quickly became a shared parenting role which helped both of us in many ways. We split the responsibilities between the two of us and that allowed each of us to spend some one on one time with Mason as well as time together as a family. Our roles can best be described bu outlining a typical day in our house. Dawn goes to work out at 5:00am and then heads to work so she is up and out of the house before Mason and I get up. I get up around 6:00am and get myself together before Mason gets up around 7:00am. Mason and I spend some time playing in his room before getting dressed and heading downstairs to eat breakfast. After eating breakfast, it is off to daycare. Dawn picks Mason up from daycare and gets to spend about 45 minutes with him one on one until I get home from work. As soon as I get home, Dawn prepares dinner while I play with him. We then eat together as a family and then she plays with him while I clean the kitchen after dinner. Dawn loves to cook and I do not so that works out great for us.  After things are all cleaned up, we both play with Mason until it is bath time. Dawn gives him a bath and dresses him for bed. I then read a few stories to him and sing a few songs while he drinks his milk cup and then he goes to bed.

After Mason is in bed, Dawn and I have a couple of hours to spend together before we go to bed. Now if there is any area of our relationship that needs to be worked on, this is it. Instead of spending "quality" time together those couple of hours before we go to bed, we are both usually on our computers either catching up on missed emails from home and work or playing stupid games online. While this is probably necessary a couple of nights a week, it is not necessary nor healthy every night of the week! So now that I have put that down in writing, it is time to do something about it! I'll blog about that in another post.

Hopefully, this post offers a little insight to our roles as parents and allowed me to talk a bit about Dawn without revealing who she really is!! Shared parenting has been a hot topic on other blogs that I read. While some of those blogs hit on some areas that we need to work on, I was very pleased to see that we seem to have a solid shared parenting relationship and that makes me proud. We have even had a few of our "straight" female friends say they wish they had a wife!! Yep, there are MANY advantages to being a two mommy family.

Until next time......

One of the Great Things My Y is Doing!

How valuable are a pair of shoes? The Chapel Hill-Carrboro YMCA and Ys across The Triangle are about to show residents in the region. Area Ys partnered with Toms Shoes “One Day Without Shoes” and on Tuesday, April 5, employees at all of the Ys will be coming to work barefoot and Y families and community members will be participating in a one-mile barefoot walk beginning at the Y at 6:30 p.m. The Y is reaching out to the entire to region to participate. Mark Kleinschmidt, Mayor of Chapel Hill, has already committed to walk. Prior to the one-mile journey, the Y is looking for donations of gently used shoes. The goal is to fill a full-size school bus with the shoes. Donated shoes will be given to those in need in the local community and in Ethiopia and Peru. Another way to donate is to purchase a pair of shoes through the Toms website. Discount codes for online purchases are available at the Chapel Hill Branch. For each pair of Toms shoes purchased, they donate a pair to a child in a developing country. The goal for all the Ys in the Triangle is to donate a total of 10,000 pairs of shoes through the collection and purchases.

More information to sign up for the walks, commit to go barefoot on April 5th, find out how to donate, and how to purchase a pair of Toms Shoes, go online to “One Day Without Shoes” raises awareness about the lack of shoes in developing countries and the effects of walking barefoot. In many developing countries, children must walk for miles barefoot to school, clean water, and medical help. Without shoes, hundreds of millions of children are at risk of injury, infection, and soil transmitted diseases that most can’t afford to prevent and treat. The Y’s mission focuses on three areas and tries each day to improve lives through the. One of the areas is Social Responsibility, giving back and providing support to its neighbors.

The Y has been listening and responding to its communities’ most critical social needs for 160 years. Whether developing skills or emotional well-being through education and training, welcoming and connecting diverse demographic populations through global services, or preventing chronic disease and building healthier communities through collaborations with policymakers, the Y fosters the care and respect all people need and deserve. Through the Y, 500,000 volunteers and thousands of donors, leaders and partners across the country are empowering millions of people in the US and around the world to be healthy, confident, connected and secure. All of this making the partnership with Toms a natural fit.

About the Chapel Hill Carrboro Y
The Y is one of the leading nonprofits in Chapel Hill and Orange County, strengthening communities through youth development, healthy living and social responsibility. Throughout our community, the Y engages over 10,000 men, women and children – regardless of age, income or background – to nurture the potential of children and teens, improve the nation’s health and well-being, and provide opportunities to give back and support neighbors. Anchored by the support of our volunteers, the Y has the long-standing relationships and physical presence not just to promise, but to deliver, lasting personal and social change. Find out more by visiting www.chcymca.org

Until next time......

Please Pray for Linus

 Linus is a 5 1/2 month old triplet with an identical brother, a fraternal brother and two moms. As of today he has spent 96 days in the hospital , more than half his life. He has critical aortic stenosis, mitral stenosis, and Shone's Variant. He has had to have 18 blood transfusions, 4 heart catheters starting at two days of age (3 balloon, 1 diagnostic), one open heart surgery (aortic valve repair and unsuccessful mitral valve repair) imminent mitral valve replacement. He loves to play in his jumperoo. Is known by all for being a smiler, a flirt and a hand holder. He is significantly smaller than his brothers, but still big for a "heart baby".

Please pray for Linus and his family. They have been through A LOT over the last five and a half months.  If you are interested in reading more about Linus you can click on his picture and it will take you to his mama's blog.

Until next time......

Response to My Neighbor

I finally responded to my neighbor's "unwanted" note in my mailbox. While every bone in my body wanted to respond to her and just tell her off, I decided to write a nice but direct note and just let it go. Below is what I said to her.

Neighbor,

Thanks for thinking of us but we are not the least bit interested in attending the Exodus Freedom Conference. We are not in any way struggling with who we are. Quite the opposite as we are a very confident family who loves each other very much. While our family is a more “non-traditional” family, it is still a family in every sense of the word. Our hope is that you can accept us for who we are and that you will continue to care about us. We too care about your family and have enjoyed being great neighbors. We have often considered moving but the fact that our neighborhood is as diverse as it is, has kept us here for over 10 years. We like the fact that there are same-sex families, bi-racial couples, black families, singles, elderly folks and families with children and without children all in the same small neighborhood. We hope you are enjoying this wonderful weather. Have a great weekend.

Hopefully I got my point across and she will not try to "help" us again.

Until next time,

Angry About a Note in My Mailbox!

Today when I got home from work, I checked the mail as I do almost every day when I get home. In it was the usual bills, junk mail from credit card companies wanting me to enjoy now and pay later, and an envelope from one of my next door neighbors. I opened it and inside there was a handwritten note and a brochure for the Exodus Freedom Conference. The note said the following:

Hi to you, Kim and Dawn, In connection to hearing a woodpecker somewhere to the back of our properties and trying to actually see it, I got an idea to give this brochure to you. We've been on Exodus supporters list for a number of years because we care about their experiences and heart for God now. We have never been able to go to this retreat but it's been appealing and maybe (hopefully with enough time to think on it and plan) the pieces would fall together for y'all. We care about you both and Mason in hopefully the most eternal ways. People have shared love and truth with ----- and I and that is how God has bridged our separation from him. Love, ------

I read the brochure that was included with the note and in it was a section on who should attend. That included the following...men and women who personally struggle with same-sex attractions, parents and other family members impacted by homosexuality, etc. WHAT? REALLY!

After reading it, I passed it to Dawn and asked her her thoughts on it. She read it and said OMG. I then asked if she thought we should respond and she said, no! I put the letter down on the table and went on about my nightly routine of playing with Mason until dinner was ready. Later in the evening while I was catching up on emails and my blog reading, I saw the note and I read it again. Not sure what I expected to change in the 2 hours that it sat on m table but I did. This time it thoroughly ticked me off and now I am wide awake from anger. How dare them? I told myself to wait until morning before writing a response and before storming over to their mailbox with m reply! I hope I will be able to find the words that will send a clear but "neighborly" message that I LOVE my family just the way we are and while there may be some struggles in our home at times (as with all families), we love each other very much and are proud of who we are and the lifestyle that we live.

So what are your thoughts on unwanted notes with unwanted invites in your mailbox?

Play Structure Shopping

On Saturday, we went all over Raleigh looking for a play structure for Mason. The first place we went was Creative Playthings. They had an indoor showroom with over a dozen different play stuctures set up for the customers to try out. We had the entire place to ourselves so took advantage of trying each one out. Well not all of them. We went for the big ones. They were much cooler than the smaller, dinky structures. Of course, we would like the big ones. They are the ones with the $3100 price tag. The one below is the one we got a quote for.

 Now on to play structure place #2. Rainbow Play Systems had an outdoor "showroom". They had about a dozen structures set up and since the weather was nice there were a lot of people looking for a cool play structure for their children too.  Mason had a blast sliding down all of the slides and climbing up the stairs to get to the clubhouses. He also enjoyed throwing rocks and playing with the recycled rubber mulch.  Mommy and Momma had lots of fun too. After asking a ton of questions, we decided that we like the one below the best. Of course it came with a hefty price tag as well. This one topped the charts at $3500.

After spending several hours out and about looking for the perfect play structure for Mason, we decided it was time to head home to read about the reviews for each of the structures. 

Is it crazy to spend $3000 plus on a playstructure for our child? Dawn says yes and I say no. I look at it as at least a 10 year investment which equates to only $300 - $350 a year. What do you think? What type of play structures do you have for your children?

Until next time......

Mommy and Momma or Her!

When Mason was first born, we weren't sure what he would call each of us. I wanted to be Mommy and we started out thinking we wanted Dawn to be called MiMi. Many of our friends told us that we could "pick" what we wanted him to call us but he would most likely start calling us what he wanted and sure enough that is what happened. We both were momma. It was so cute. He would point to me and say "momma" and then point to Dawn and say "momma". This went on for a couple months and then all of a sudden a few weeks ago he sarted saying mommy when he was referring to me! I loved it. Of course, I loved it too when he called me momma :-) but being mommy was what I have always wanted to be. So we thought hey maybe he is going to sure enough call me mommy and call Dawn momma.

Last week, he started something new. When I would be holding him and ask him who I was, he would say mommy and then I would point to Dawn and say well who is she. He would say, "her". It was too funny. When I am not at home, he will call her momma and refer to me as her. Very interesting how he is putting it all together.

I must say that I am glad that MiMi didn't workout. Too many grandmothers are referred to as MiMi so things always have a way of working themselves out. He knew all along that he wanted us to be mommy and momma!

So for you same-sex families out there, what does your children call you?

Until next time......

Really? Not My Child!



Mommy's Lil Devilish Guy

I mentioned in an earier post that we have been seeing some typical toddler behaviors from Mason lately so I was not surprised to learn he has been exhibiting similiar behaviors at daycare. Some of those behaviors include temper tantrums, hitting, not wanting to share and running away from you when he knows he has something you don't want him to have! Well when Dawn picked him up from daycare yesterday, she found out that he has now added kicking to his list of things we would prefer that he not do. To make it worse, the report that she was given was he kicked one of his teachers! Ouch. Now, I know that he is going to do things to get in trouble as ALL kids do but I was not quite ready for reports from daycare that my child is misbehaving and had to sit in time out several times throughout the day.

We are going to use time out with him at home as a place for him to go to settle down and think about what he has done. So far we have used the last step at the bottom of our stairs as his time out spot. We have only put him there a couple of times but when you mention the words "time out" he automatically goes there. You would think we have put him there tons of times or you can think like me and just admit that he is pretty darn smart for 19 months. I must say that Dawn is the "mean" momma and well I have not been such a "mean" momma. Every family has one parent that is the "mean" one, right? I know that I will eventually need to be firmer with him but...I can hear my mom saying now, don't let him get the upper hand on you. I know, I know. I'll get there. For now, I plan to use re-direction as much as possible.

Today was a much better day for him at daycare. No tantrums, no hitting and most importantly he didn't kick his teacher!

Until next time......

1 Year and 7 Months

I was editing the layout of my blog today and saw the LilyPie counter and it reminded me that my child is growing up too quickly.  Saying he is 19 months old is bad enough but to say he is 1 year and 7 months makes it sound like he is so much older than he really is. Either way you look at it, my baby is growing up! Where has the time gone? While I am loving this stage, I am also wanting things to slow waaaayyyyyy down. My little baby has turned into a very active toddler much faster than I ever imagined it would be. Father time while I am extremely thankful for this "time" in my life, I'd like to request that it not move so quickly when it comes to my little man growing up!

So what is Mason up to these days? For starters, he is talking nonstop and picking up on new words daily. His new words this month have been as follows: hard, help, bue (blue), orr ange (orange), ellow (yellow), her, buhfly (butterfly), peese (please), jack (jacket), cloud, vroom vroom, gahic (garlic), man and gurl (girl). He has mastered a few new names too. Those include Hannah, Bremen (Brandon)' Seff (Seth) and sihmey (Sydney).  These are some of his cousins!

We also have the typical toddler things going on as well. Some of these things are not wanting to share, pitching temper tantrums, and being bossy. I am not sure where he gets his temper from but for some reason my mom keeps telling me the apple doesn't fall from the tree!!! :-) He has learned to say "NO" very well and is using that word much more than I like! He got in trouble today at daycare for kicking and hitting his friends. He even kicked one of his teachers and was put in time out! OMG - not my child. Guess it is time for a little firmer discipline at home for all of these things. :-(

As you all know by now, I could go on and on about my dear child as I adore him but I will cut this short and save some for another day.

Until next time......